You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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