i think i have herpe
just one?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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