Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
