if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
