I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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