I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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