I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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