I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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