something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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