VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
