There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
