i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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