Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
