Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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