its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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