you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
false alarm, still single
Randomize