i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
