is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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