i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
