Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
