i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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