I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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