I love black thongs
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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