So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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