I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
