i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize