I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Actions speak louder than pants.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
