So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
