You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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