if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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