so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
