you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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