I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
