4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
