Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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