my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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