She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
