Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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