Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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