I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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