I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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