shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
