Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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