6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
