I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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