God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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