iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
