after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize