My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
