I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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