There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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