Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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