I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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