Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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