He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
