You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
