What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
