6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
