I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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