After last night, I could never be a politician.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
