He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize