so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
