Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
