I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
