Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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