You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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