I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
