Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
