This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
not ubering you a puppy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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