What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you had me at cake vodka
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just want nice things and good sex
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
