Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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