Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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