Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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