Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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