She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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