Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
